Can't Mess This Up
by PassThePie
Summary: Mel trips and winds up from being in 2012 Earth to Middle-earth. In the Hobbit movies too! The first movie hasn't even been released yet! Attractive dwarves? An adventure to defeat a dragon and reclaim a kingdom? Why couldn't she have just fallen into Lord of the Rings? At least she'd have known what to do there. Crap, she should have read those books.
1. Chapter 1: What The Hell

_Hey everyone :) This is my first fic in a long, loooooong time. This is also my first in this fandom (and this account) so I hope things turn out okay._

**_BEFORE YOU READ:_**

_Mel (my ofc here) is from 2012. As in, right before the first Hobbit movie came out. She also hasn't read the books, BUT she's seen LOTR. This is just a heads up because though all of this will be explained in the next chapter - it's not mentioned in this one and some people might be a little put off by that._

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><p>I groaned and lifted my head up, bleary eyed. My upper body was hanging off my bed. What the hell was I dreaming about? This is the weirdest way to wake up, oh man. Hold up, I'm moving. Scratch that - the <em>bed<em> is moving.

"What the hell," I murmured, though me being barely awake it came out sounding more like a "whu the her". Oh god, I can feel my legs hanging off too. This is not a bed. Abort mission, I've been kidnapped or something! _Abort._

"Oi lads, she's awake!" A voice booms from about a meter away from me. I hear shouts and calls in response. "You alright lass? Gave us a good scare last night, flying through Mr. Baggins' door like that."

"Huh?" I rubbed my eyes, and tried to push myself up on whatever this thing was. Unfortunately, this thing was nothing like a bed and I slid right off and my butt landed on the ground with a dull _thud._

"Oh sweet baby Jesus." I yelped, eyes snapping open. Okay, now I was really awake. Oh my god it's all coming back to me now. I didn't even go to sleep last night! I was walking to the grocery store? And then I tripped? Okay, that's as far as my memory goes.

I looked up and my eyes met a pony. I fell off a pony. _Wow._ I looked around and there were thirteen other -

Oh shit.

I've gotta be dreaming. These were all the characters from the Hobbit! At least I think so? I looked at all of them, wide-eyed as they all stopped on their ponies. One of them - looked like their leader - had stepped off and started walking towards me, saying something.

Oh my god I can't hear them. My ears are ringing. Okay, okay, thinking too fast. Calm down… Breathe. Breathe! This is just a weird dream. Just a weir- JAMES T KIRK, THAT'S GANDALF. HE'S WALKING TOWARDS ME. THAT'S- no. This has got to be a joke. That's just Sir Ian McKellen looming over me. Yup. This is a joke… or dream. Whatever.

Their leader - Oh! I recognise him from the trailer. Oh man I can't remember any of their names. What was his name? Thor-something? Whoever he was he was brandishing his sword and, oh, pointing it at my neck. He's glaring at me… saying something… my ears are still ringing.

Oh my god, okay that sword is sharp. And cold. I looked to my right, Gandalf (holy shit) was next to me now, looming over Thor-something and I. Hey hey, I recognise that face. He's doing his strict scary wizard scolding thing. Aw, now I feel like watching Lord of the Rings again - seeing him scold Pippin and -

"… _so by Valar put that sword down!"_ Gandalf finished. The sword left my neck. Oh, I guess I've calmed down enough to hear people now. He looked down at me gently. "Oh good, you're breathing has calmed. I thought you were going to lose consciousness again."

"You're…"

"I am Gandalf the Grey, wiza -"

"I know." I cut in. "I, uh, know who you are."

TBC

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><p><em>That's it for now! This chapter is really short because I just wanted to see if this would attract an audience or be worth continuing later on. Hope you all like it :)<em>

_If this gets what I'm aiming for, the next chapter will probably be uploaded on Friday with at least 3 pages worth of material to read._

_x_


	2. Chapter 2: I'm Gambling?

_Okay wow. Laaaaate update. My bad. But hey, I've got almost four pages here! Yipee._

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><p><em>Previously:<em>

_"I am Gandalf the Grey, wiza -"_

_"I know." I cut in. "I, uh, know who you are."_

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><p>"And exactly how do you know that?" Gandalf questioned. O-ohkay, guess I'm gonna have to explain some complicated stuff.<p>

"Um, I don't think you'd quite understand if I told you…" God, what if they try to kill me thinking I'm crazy or something? Oh god, what if Gandalf takes me to Saruman? Hell no. I do not want to see Saruman.

"Humor me."

Oh, so he's gonna be like that. Okay fine, let's tell the truth and make me look like a crazy person. "I'm not from this world, as you can see from my clothes. Uh… I don't exactly know how I got here - I just remember tripping over the pavement and then suddenly waking up on a pony… And well, anyway," I cleared my throat awkwardly, "you're all stories where I'm from."

"Stories." Gandalf repeated, he didn't look like he was buying it.

"I-it's the truth!" I stammered. "You're just fiction-"

"I'm sorry, what did you say your name was?" Thor-dude said from next to me. Alrighty then, I think it was time I get off my butt. I stood up to my full height - which wasn't much - and brushed some dirt off my jeans. Oh hey, my bag was able to make it here too. I slung it around my shoulders. I'll check if it's fine later.

"My name's Melanie Blackery, Mel for short." I noticed I was the same size as Thor-dude. "Speaking of short, oh god I'm as tall as a dwarf. Wow, okay I should be surprised seeing that I'm super short."

"You're not a dwarf?" Gandalf asked, looking slightly more interested than he was before.

"No, I'm not." I said indigantly. "Do you see a beard on me? I don't think so."

"Would've guessed you were just beardless." A bald, tattooed dwarf said from his pony. "Some kind of mutant, perhaps."

"I'm not a mutant! I'm human."

"Quite short for a human." Mused Gandalf. I was about to speak up when Thor-dude walked past me briskly.

"This is wasting our time, Wizard." He said, mounting his pony. "Give her a pony for now and we'll leave her once we reach the nearest town."

"Oh, um, no I don't think that's necessary. Bilbo's not here yet - which means you can't be far from the Shire, yeah?" I spluttered. Other towns are a no no. I think I'd rather just stay in the Shire. "Maybe if you could point me in that directio-"

"How do you know of Bilbo Baggins? Who has told you of this quest?" Gandalf demanded, stepping towards me.

"I - ah - no one!" I stammered, shrinking away. "Like I said, you're all stories! Books! Of course, uh, I haven't actually read all of them but I know about them."

"You're somewhat of a seer, then?" An old dwarf said from his pony. He turned to face Thor-dude. "Thorin, she could be an asset to our quest."

That's his name! Thorin! Okay, now to find out everyone else's names.

"We're going to need all the help!" A dwarf with the funkiest hair I've ever seen piped up from the back of this line of ponies. "Especially without our burglar!"

"Okay, um, I'm not exactly a seer or anything but I just know a bit of what's going to happen on your… journey." I finished lamely, looking at my feet. Looking at my old, beaten up pair of fall boots made me feel a little better. "In my, er, realm there was another event that took place in Middle-earth that's more known than this one. I kinda just know more of events, what, uh, 60 years from now?"

Everyone gave me a weird look. I decided to speak again before the silence started to drag awkwardly. "I do know that you're burglar's coming, though. I betcha it's gonna be any second now."

"Betting now, are we?" The red-haired dwarf spoke up - I did a double take. Whoa, he looks _a lot_ like Gimli.

"Not betting. Sorry, I phrased that wrong." I coughed. The dwarves had already started to talk among themselves, making bets. Gandalf included. "I am _certain_ your burglar will be here."

None of them heard me. Too busy passing pouches of what I can only guess are coins around.

As the dwarves gambled, two younger-looking dwarves dismounted their ponies and started towards me. I gave them a meek smile. Okay, no, that probably looked more like grimace.

"Fili," The blond one smirked, amused by my shyness. Or was he? Maybe that's just his normal face? Eh, I should just stop thinking.

"- and Kili." The brunet added, with a friendly grin. Hm, this one looks familiar. Seen the actor somewhere perhaps?

"At your service." The said simultaneously, bowing. Wow.

"Did you practice that?" I snickered. Oh my god no. NO. Thank you, word vomit. I now sound rude. Great.

"Can't remember, did we?" Kili frowned, there did seem to be a hint of a smile though.

"Maybe." The blond shrugged, grinning. They were joking. Alright okay, cool. Let's not have my nervousness swallow me whole just yet.

"Anyway, we have come here for business." Killi said.

"Very important business." Fili continued, locking his gaze on me. Dang, that's a little intimidating. "Concerning gold."

"Oh, um, I don't have any. Sorry." I mumbled, feeling a bit uncomfortable. I clutched my bag, realising that the money I had in there was utterly useless now.

"No, but we can get you some." Fili said, grasping my shoulder. "We just have to be absolutely certain about something."

"Are you completely certain Mr. Boggin's will be joining us?" Kili's eyes searched my face for a sign of confirmation.

"I am completely certain." I nodded. Kili smiled and clapped me on the back as Fili stepped away from me to face the other dwarves.

"Gloin! We each put 10 pieces on the halfling!" He beamed, tossing a pouch to the other dwarves. The red-haired dwarf cheered and turned back to the others. Oh. _Gloin._ Ooooh my god I remember now. That's Gimli's _father. _Holy crap, cool.

The two brothers left to mount their ponies - as did the rest of the dwarves. This one dwarf with a funny hat trotted over to me on his pony. "You know how to ride a pony lass?"

Before I could answer, something in the distance was heard. "Wait! Wait!"

Ah, yes. That would be Martin Freeman. I smiled. "Cue hobbit."

As Bilbo caught up to where we were, he looked at me for a brief moment. I decided to wave awkwardly. He walked past a several of us, me included, and I couldn't help but notice one thing. I'm taller than him. Sometimes I forget how short hobbits are. I mean, yeah Martin Freeman's actually a pretty short guy but I am tiny. I'm barely 5 feet… and here's Martin Freeman… and I'm looking _down_ at him.

I stifled a giggle.

As Bilbo spoke to the old dwarf and handed him a few papers, my mind wandered. If Pippin and Merry were almost 4 feet tall… and Bilbo's practically the same height as them - if I remember properly… I didn't shrink. Oh. Landing in Middle-earth didn't change me at all. Christ, I really am a tiny human. I'm not the same height as dwarves. Dwarves are the same height as me. Damn, Tolkien's people are taller than I thought. Lovely.

"… right. Give them both ponies." Wait, what?

"We can only spare Myrtle. Bungo carries our supplies!" The, er, fat dwarf told Thorin.

"No, no, no, no, that-that won't be necessary!" Bilbo spluttered, waving his hands nervously. "Thank you, but I-I'm sure I can keep up on foot. I - I - I've done my fair share of walking holidays, you know. I even got as far as Frogmorton once - WAGH!" He interrupted himself with a yelp as Fili and Kili yanked him up and plopped him on… Myrtle, was it? Whatever. The pony.

He looked completely terrified. N'awww.

"Alrighty then, I guess I can try to keep up with you guys on foot. Won't be too bad." I said, striding along with them.

"Nonsense!" The hatted dwarf laughed. His pony trotted so that he was next to me. "Alright, you don't look so heavy. Ride with one of them!" He nodded over to the the dwarves on my left: Fili and Kili.

"Oh, no, that's fine. I wouldn't want to burden - OH MY GOD!" The hatted dwarf picked me up by the arm and dropped me on the pony closest to me. I looked behind me to see who had the wonderful misfortune of being stuck with me.

"Oh, uh, hi there Fili." I said lamely. He smiled. I faced forward again. "I have no idea how to steer a pony."

Two arms came around me and took the reins. "That's why I'm going to do it, Miss Blackery."

"Okay, cool…" I trailed off. Wait a second. "There's no need for that, you know. Calling me 'Miss Blackery'."

"Really now?"

"Yeah, I'm not one for formalities. Just call me Mel."

"Alright, Mel." He leaned forward and spoke into my ear. "Ready to collect our prize?"

"Prize?" I looked over to the dwarves who were riding in front of me.

The dwarf with the hearing aid grinned to the funky-haired dwarf. "Come on, Nori! Pay up! Go on!"

Nori tossed a pouch to the dwarf, who then began throwing more pouches around to several other dwarves. I nearly fell off the pony when Fili spoke up suddenly. "Oin! Don't forget us over here!"

Three pouches came flying in our direction. Fili caught one, and next to us Kili caught two more.

"For you, m'lady." Kili winked, tossing one of the two pouches at me. The pouch was heavy. Heavy with money. Score.

"Awesome." I grinned.

TBC

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><p><em>Alright so that was like 3&amp;34 pages. I didn't have that much time to work on this one, oops. Hopefully I can get the next chapter to be AT LEAST 4 pages. Maybe by the end of this week. Hopefully._

_Anyway my first chapter got 6 follows and review! Yay, better than I expected! Reviews are appreciated! Hate it or love it, let me know. Also, what do you readers think of Mel?_

_x_


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